prologue
Welcome to my blog
profile
About me
I am Kamy, while Reily is actually a made up nameI get 1 year older on the 3rd September every year, but no one really remembers because no one really cares
Currently taking up photography as my hobby but I do not really dedicate much time to it, but I am still loving it
wishlist
- Learning Korean- A pet bunny
- Travel overseas early
- Get braces
- Get a Mini Cooper
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
@ 1:23 AM
Woke up early,
prepare for school,
pull out my formal wear and changed into it.
Felt a little weird and uneasy in that outfit (feel as though something is not right and that I missed out something) but still made my way out of the house.
Saw the bus came, ran for it, got on board and started searching for my wallet.
Dug my bag like madness and realised I left it in the drawer at home.
Thankfully the driver allowed me to take a complementary ride to VivoCity.
Reached Vivo, called my groupmates to meet me outside the monorail station to tap in together and while waiting, saw a couple of my classmates and was told
"Why are in formal? I thought we only need to be in smart casual?"
Great! I am the only fool in formal again.
Friday was once, today is the second time. -.-
Went through our presentation,
had plenty of butterflies in my stomach when I see most of the groups leaving too little time for their last speaker due to the large number of slides and having too many information to elaborate on, then the tutor asked so much questions which are total killer to those groups.
Stressed me a bit and when it was my turn, I did not refer to my cue cards because it was super wordy, so I just read off the powerpoint and spoke what came off my mind.
And we are lucky that there was about 2mins plus left when the whole presentation ended.
Had lunch at Pizzahut,
CCTC,
headed home x2,
had yoga (which actually made me jellied),
cycled madly back home,
rested
and now,
blogging....
that is the end of what happened to me,
not all are listed here, but well, this is basically what happened.
take care people!
and may those friends whose birthday was over, today or coming have their wishes come true.
happy birthday to all of you!
Monday, July 26, 2010
@ 12:00 AM
I really don't know how much longer I can hold it for.
Putting on a facade just to show everyone that I am fine because I do not want people to worry about me and I don't want to make my problems known to too many people.
I bottle them up in myself.
I bear the stress and pain all by myself.
Others would never believe the side of my story and instead, they would even reprimand me.
They blame me, scold me and some even condemn me.
I have to bear with it all because fighting back do me no good.
All these had changed me. From a bubbly person to someone who have low self-esteem, low confidence and someone who chose not to talk too much.
I do not know how to appreciate care and concerns anymore, neither do I know how to love.
Sometimes it became so painful that it just makes me think that my existence is a suffering to other people. It would be so much better if I wasn't around...
People thinks that I am weird, but there is nothing I can do to change their views.
Because even my family condemned me, so what is there to fight back for?
I am very tired now, I want to give up holding on,
I want to let go of everything.....
Sunday, July 25, 2010
@ 1:22 AM
note: this is a wordy post. to read or not, it is up to you.
little what my friends would have expected,
some don't even knew...
But yes, I have this small passion in me that wish to perform, to act and to sing.
And this led me to go for this singing audition today after seeing their advertisement on Gumtree.
All I can comment about that place is that, it is quite shabby, located in some industrial park,
just a small unit of an industrial building.
Though the website said that it had been around for 13 years, (I just recalled about this while typing here) the building's directory didn't update their name on the board.
It still reads CK Communication, something like that while the name of the music school is actually EAI Multimedia.
I thought it might just be that the school is borrowing the premise for the audition, so I went up to look for the place.
Realised that the signage outside reads EAI Multimedia clearly. I never suspect anything and I went in.
Went through an interview with the lady there, observed the whole place (on my own because she had other things to attend to for a while) and found out that most of the people there are erm... China people? Not that I am prejudice against them or anything, but... why are there no locals if the music school is so reputable?
Was asked to sing in front of the whole group of learner dancers, then went to the recording room and sort of sang did some voice recording?
After all those singing, she spoke to me in her office and told me that the school would subsidize my whole course fee of $2.1k which is over a span of 8 months. And you know what? There are only classes on Saturdays at 4pm.
There would also be a chance for me whereby a demo recording would be done, so that even if I am not selected by the school as a representing singer for outdoor events, the CD could still give me a chance to come out to the public because it would be sent to Sony BMG, Warna, Universal, etc music firm to test my skills. But the fee of recording the demo CD would cost $1.8k and it would be bear by me.
I had a tough time while I was in her office, it somehow feel as though she want me to make a decision on the spot. However, I explained to her about my circumstances and I would not be able to fork a large sum of money at one go and I really need to consider about it.
She looked quite reluctant at first to let me go home to think about it, but in the end, she had no choice but to accept it. Before I left, she told me to give her my answers by 9pm, 24 July 2010.
Texted friends, consulted them, seek for advice, shared with them and yes,
I am very glad they replied to me.
Some were very encouraging but are concerned that it might be a hoax.
Some told me "If you are going to pay so much for a music school which no one really know, why not pay more and go to a famous one? At least it is more recognised.".
Well, that strike me and made me thing over again.
Though many replies were really encouraging, there is this friend who is really straightforward by replying, "Ok, forget thoroughly about this singing dream and concentrate on your poly studies."
While I was still surrounded with all those encouragement, he bursted the bubble with this reply.
It may be right to a certain extent because everyone must dare to dream in order to succeed in life,
if you would agree with me.
I had made my decision now.
I would see how things goes in life in the future, see if this passion still stay with me.
If it does, then maybe I would consider going to those famous music schools to pursue this dream.
Some of you might be thinking "Hey, you are not studying about Business, it is a Tourism sector you are looking into, why are you thinking about singing and acting? It is not related at all!"
Well, what we do now would not necessary shape our future. It might not even be what we would become either. Because everyone have this little thing in them, that is Dream.
Everyone would dream to be someone, something or even, somebody...
And no one would know how far that dream would bring them, it is in them, they are the only one who can bring them a step forward to making the dream come true.
No one is too old to dream, dreaming is never stupid because everyone have their right to be dreaming.
I realised my dream.
Have you?
Friday, July 23, 2010
@ 11:24 PM
Having this singing audition tomorrow,
was asked to choose 2 songs ( english and chinese ) without music to sing for the audition.
I have chosen the english one, but still a bit paranoid over the chinese one. Trying to look for one which do not require much high pitch else I might just fail. :(
Gosh, a bit nervous right now.
May good vocal and well wishes from my friends be with me for tomorrow during the audition.
GOOD NIGHT READERS ♥
Thursday, July 22, 2010
@ 12:16 AM
Sick and tired of all these stuffs.
Gotta ignore them and take a break
Good night
Sunday, July 18, 2010
@ 12:33 AM
Today Toss and turn the whole of yesterday night, anticipating for what is going to happen today morning, woke up damn early (5am, FYI), prepared and confidently went to the driving centre.
Went for my freaking warm-up rounds before the actual driving test.
Everything was damn smooth in the circuit,
just that out at the road, my lane change was quite bad.
Instructor told me to take a sit in the holding room until the tester come.
And so I waited..
From 8.05am till 8.30am, imagine the whole load of stuffs which ran through my stupid brain..
It was my turn, I went to the driver's seat
and drove off.
FREAKING DIRECTIONAL CHANGE!
arrrgghh! freak me to be too close to the left,
so when I was trying to turn out,
I mount the curb.
- Game over -
There goes my time and anxiety for this morning.
All gone...
So now, I just got to wait for the next one.
I shall not be nervous for it anymore,
I will not stay inside the freaking holding room but mingle around outside instead,
I will not be affected by those other learners in the circuit but to do my own maneuver.
I will not be too confident after the warm-up rounds,
I will not be scared of the testers but instead, think that they are very friendly and maybe, funny..
I WANT TO PASS MY FREAKING DRIVING AFTER THE NEXT TEST PLEASE!
OMG. :(
But I also want to thank my mother for her support to me in my driving,
waking up at the same time as me to eat breakfast with me and asking me to relax for my test.
Even when I told her I failed, she encourage me to go for another test and not to feel disheartened.
Thanks my lover boy for sacrificing his sleeping time to give me morning call, to listen to the devastated me and to comfort me.
I really appreciate the love and concerns from them. :)
Thank God for bringing me to my mum, and bringing that boy to me.
The are the reason why I am still pulling on so far through those difficult times,
not forgetting some of my relatives too. :)
_
* please don't be commenting or asking me about this test, else I will definitely ignore you until I pass my driving test. So you better think twice and think wise before asking.
Otherwise, you got to start praying that I pass my test in order for me to continue talking to you.
Well, you can mock me and spread about this to the WHOLE WORLD (as if they care), because you are a despicable person, that is why you are so cheap to be doing such things and no wonder I am not your friend. FORTUNATE ME! 8D
_
GOOD NIGHT FOLKS.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
@ 1:31 AM
I look forward to those days when I do not have to put up with all those crap which I am tolerating when I get home everyday.
And I hope that I do not have to wait too long for everything to be permanent.
The day when all those stress ends.
Can't wait.....
Sunday, July 11, 2010
@ 11:51 PM
woke up from some terrible gastric pain which drained all my energy away.
I thought I was going to die in the toilet (because initially, I thought I'm gonna have diarrhoea) without anyone knowing that I am in there.
But thank God, I manage to pull myself with my blur vision and very jellied legs to the kitchen to grab some pills to eat which then eased the pain.
The fear of dying without anyone knowing,
is just very scary...
Because at that moment, you felt so helpless
but there is no one you around you who you can call out to.
It was really scary.
I still feel a little crappy in my tummy,
as though the pain is gonna come back again or something.
I don't wanna die in my sleep, that will be super creepy. :(
___________
My lover boy was really sweet to drop by my place to pass me bottles of yoghurt drink
after knowing that I was feeling unwell.
But his face was super stern, making his concerns / sweetness a little irony to his expression.
Still, it was very much appreciated.
♥
@ 12:35 AM
NAIVE
Friday, July 09, 2010
@ 9:32 PM
I am quite glad that one project is down and for the remaining projects,
I could proudly say that we are halfway through already!
We just have to add on a bit more here and there,
AND WE ARE DONE! YAY~ :D
BEFORE I CONTINUE WITH SOME LIFELESS POSTING,
PLEASE READ THIS!!
if you happen to be the one who I am referring to,
I would not apologise because, IT IS YOUR FAULT!
so you can mark me down for peer evaluation (which will be DAMN retarded)
else you can badmouth about me (which is also, FREAKING retarded)
and you know what?
I DON'T CARE.
here goes~
_______________________
Today, we were supposed to be submitting our project work together.
One of my group member asked me to stay behind after class to sign the frontpage before submission.
However, I will be having a consultation with the other group members and thus, I promised to give them a call when I am done with my consultation to join them to do the submission.
I stick to my words and gave them a call after I am done with my stuffs,
none of them answered.
Awesome...
I waited till around 2pm or so, there was no reply, etc.
Well, I gave you guys a call, at least have the courtesy to send a SMS!
the previous project submission, you guys just walked away after class and then you all did the submission and forged my signature for me.
After that, you guys deem me as irresponsible and claimed that I disappeared after lesson, from then on, you guys starts giving me a cold shoulder.
Geesh, this is just so childish.
No comments for you guys anymore, in case of Karma.
Period.
_______________________
OKAY~
back to something more lively.
I will be having my traffic police test in another 8days times,
I may be driving an Automatic car, but I still super scared.
Cannot imagine the stern look on the tester's face.
If only I can play some musics or the freaking tester is nice.
I am very sure I will not feel this stress.
Please, I hope everything goes well.
At least...
______________
I just can't help looking out of the window,
hoping to see your shadow.
I know that I had been very shallow,
but I just want you to know,
I really want to see you, hello
cause I am missing you a hell load, you ignorant fellow.
I am sorry for being so slow,
dragged it so long just to let you know.
Thursday, July 08, 2010
@ 10:32 PM
My mind is in so much paranoid right now.
I just need the answer to every single thing that is happening to me right now,
if only they come to me so easily, I would not be so troubled anymore.
Now, even I do not know what is going on in my mind.
I can't even find an answer from myself.
At this time, my paranoid is causing pain to others.
I am such a sinner.
Please don't be telling me all those Christianity things that we are all sinners but Jesus helped us by dying on the cross for us.
I'd heard too much of it.
If His death could really heal us, then why are there still so many people out there suffering from their sins?
One of which, is me.
All the pain would stop if only I could find the answer I need, in me.
And the answer must be none bias.
I need help.
I want to stop all my sins of causing hurt to people around me,
it pains me even more to see innocent people getting hurt by me out of nothing.
It is unfair.
Everything have to stop.
And the Stop button is in me, for me to find it...
tagboard
tell me everything
Don't see a need for it since no one is reading me anyways affiliates
don't leave yet
So this is me swallowing my prideStanding in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December all the time
archives
never go back
MONTHLY ARCHIVE» July 2009 » August 2009 » September 2009 » October 2009 » November 2009 » December 2009 » January 2010 » February 2010 » March 2010 » April 2010 » May 2010 » June 2010 » July 2010 » August 2010 » September 2010 » October 2010 » December 2010 » February 2011 » August 2011 » October 2011 » December 2011 » January 2012 » February 2012 » April 2012 » May 2012 » August 2012 » May 2013 » June 2013 » July 2013 » September 2013
RECENT POSTS
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