prologue
Welcome to my blog
profile
About me
I am Kamy, while Reily is actually a made up nameI get 1 year older on the 3rd September every year, but no one really remembers because no one really cares
Currently taking up photography as my hobby but I do not really dedicate much time to it, but I am still loving it
wishlist
- Learning Korean- A pet bunny
- Travel overseas early
- Get braces
- Get a Mini Cooper
Thursday, May 10, 2012
@ 11:51 PM
I want a holiday! To escape from Singapore for awhile...
Being away from home just gives one a sense of relief, away from work, from stress, from commitments.
That's why everyone needs a holiday.
Just look at the pictures below! How inviting the sunny beach is!
I need companions though, cause it is just not as fun if I go with my mother.
Not sure how to explain but, just not as fun. :(
There comes the sensitive part again, I've no friends, so how to find one who is willing to go overseas with me?
No cousins, no siblings and no I don't need (neither do I want) a lover.
So I guess I can just ogle at these photos and imagine~
On one hand, I am being all pessimistic here, on the other hand, I asking people around me to be optimistic. Irony huh?
Anyway~
I was dead bored at home this afternoon and browsed some movies online to watch.
Came across this show:
Quite a cute show and this part touched me the most (I video-ed using my phone):
And this movie finally answered the reason why I don't like celebrating my birthday...
I don't like birthdays and I don't need anyone with me.
Because when you are used to your company, you begin to worry about losing the person.
If you don't have anyone, you won't miss anyone.
Missing someone is painful...
- Love, the movie
This movie is watchable on Funshion, download the application on your Windows and watch away~
(Machiam advertising for Love and Funshion)
And my tiny prayer was answered, thank you God. :)
My grip onto faith is a bit more firm now, at least.
@ 1:20 AM
Super angsty today. Not sure why.
Have been skipping work for the past 2 days, just don't have the mood to go to work. It is just too mundane that it is draining the life out of me, so I thought I should just stop going altogether.
No replies from EpiCentre yet, really have no lucks with interviews lately.
What does God really want me to do?
All I am hoping for is to have a full time job, which is NOT mundane, at least something new to do everyday and to have a more stable income so that I do not have to worry about having a lot to spend this month then worrying about what I will survive on the next month.
God wants us not to worry but with such a life I am leading, it is hard not to worry.
The faith for God is unstable now, I have no one to guide me back on the right track and stopping me from doing things which isn't right.
I just feel entirely hopeless now.
I am turning towards the dark side, the devil is winning...
Does anyone even know it? Is anyone even willing to help me?
If I vanish now, will anyone even notice?
Thursday, May 03, 2012
@ 11:43 PM
It is a new month!
Yes, I am done with the job as an Events Coordinator.
Well, in fact, I was dismissed like 1 week before the end of the month. How the boss put it was that, she see that my stress level was just too high, and in July, when she get the other major project she might get me back to help her as she believe that my expertise for events is better locally.
See how things goes then.
Well, in fact, I was dismissed like 1 week before the end of the month. How the boss put it was that, she see that my stress level was just too high, and in July, when she get the other major project she might get me back to help her as she believe that my expertise for events is better locally.
See how things goes then.
So, when I went for my usual Saturday job at Singapore Heart Foundation, I shared about being out of job and such, I was blessed to be offered a temporary full time position there. The job responsibility is relatively same to that of the Saturday one, the difference is in the working hours. And was told that it would start in the earlier part of May.
Meanwhile, I was being offered another position in a nightclub, Taboo, as a baggage concierge. I accepted this job to cover that last week of April since I would be free anyway.
Little did I know, SHF actually arranged me to work during the last week of April and resulted in me working for more than what usual humans would work.
It is more than 20hours of work. Yes, you see that right.
I thought I would never survive, but I did and I am still here. Superwoman? I doubt so...
I just want to tire myself out. Not sure why, probably due to a sadist personality hidden me I guess.
Then again, I was offered another job in EpiCentre as a Mac Evangelist, the pay is higher than that at SHF and seemingly less mundane.
The nightclub is actually a gay club, no prejudice against gays actually, but the working hour is really extreme. If my mother doesn't nag, I wouldn't mind working there actually, since the job is simple.
Sometimes, you just can't get the best of both world.
__
Not sure why but today I just felt really down.
Could it be due to being over-asked the topic of friends?
"Why don't you hang out with your friends?"
"Where are your friends? Why don't you meet them?"
"Why so sad to slack at home, go out with friends?"
"Working so much how to have time for friends?"
"Where are your friends? Why don't you meet them?"
"Why so sad to slack at home, go out with friends?"
"Working so much how to have time for friends?"
The fact is, I have no friends at all!
Yes! Argue for all I care, but I don't feel your presence at all, friends. I have been trying so hard to remind you guys about my existence, but times and again, I just feel forgotten.
Guess I tried too hard.
I play my part as a friend, and I believe I played it well. Sometimes even way over that borderline.
All I ever wish for is to be appreciated and remembered, I doubt this request is too demanding. I am not asking for anything in return, but at the end of the day, what do I get in return?
There are times when I question myself if all these even worth my effort.
I have loss confidence in life.
No confident to trust, no confident to dream, no confident to hope, no confident to expect.
All is gone. Or maybe it is just me holding all these positive feelings back and protecting them with many many layers of walls to prevent myself from being hurt and having my positive feelings turned into negative ones.
Overwhelmed by negativity, I deactivated my Facebook account again. This time round, not clearing my friend list in case it was out of impulse. I believe no one would even notice I have disappeared from contact.
I am just too insignificant.
I am just too insignificant.
Just why is all these happening to me?
What is it that I have not done that others are doing or what is it have done that others don't even do?
On one hand, I am hoping to receive attention. On the other hand, I am afraid of these attention because I am afraid that if I received it, I may not be able to handle it when it is gone.
I thought I am as strong as how I appear to others, but I realize, I am not. Not at all. Not even close...
Does anyone even see this side of me? Even if they do, will they even bother?
tagboard
tell me everything
Don't see a need for it since no one is reading me anyways affiliates
don't leave yet
So this is me swallowing my prideStanding in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December all the time
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RECENT POSTS
» 22 » Different » I simply hates how weak I am at guarding my heart ... » Life » Updates of things going on » Emotional moments » I want a holiday! To escape from Singapore for aw... » Super angsty today. Not sure why. Have been skip... » It is a new month! Yes, I am done with the job as... » It's already close to 2 months! I believe I should...
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